Do you ever want to write what's really on your heart, but are afraid of someone in particular reading it and at the same time, you want them to read it? That's where I am right now.
I want to write about a man that I loved (love?). The first one that I ever loved, in fact. He had no idea how much I loved him, still doesn't. We don't even talk anymore, which is probably the best and worst part. I had a dream about him the other day. In my dream, I was attending Mass with my old college roommates and he was there with his new girlfriend. It was heartbreakingly awkward and painful. I woke up and even now, I haven't been able to shake it. More than I miss him, I miss his friendship and the feeling of being with someone who really knows me and "gets" me. Call me crazy, but I'm so ready to not have to date anymore to find all of that.
This song is kinda how I feel about it all---> Antony and the Johnsons "Ghost"
So here's what I learned on Oprah the other day (tacky yes, regrets, absolutely not) LOVE DOESN'T HURT! If you truly loved this "guy" your love would have been reciprocated and it wouldn't hurt the way it does now. You deserve a love that doesn't use you and make you feel like your worthless. Remember your first blog, you aren't going to let people do that to you anymore and you totally can. I'm almost as anxious as you are for the day you find someone that gets you, then perhaps I won't be alone, ;) Anyway, just thoughts.
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