Oh happy day!

Welp, Ben and I have decided that we like each other enough to put a label on this thing, so when he comes down this weekend, he's going to ask me to be his girlfriend. It's sort of lame because I already think of us as a couple, but he wants to ask me in person. And by lame, I mean incredibly sweet.

Guys. I'm so so happy. I know that I don't need a man to make me happy, but never have I felt so taken care of and loved. I don't have this overwhelming worry that I'm not good enough or that I'll say something stupid and he'll think less of me. No, in fact, I've honestly let myself be exactly who I am and he likes it. I don't want to sound mushy or whatever, but I now know why things didn't work out with anyone else.

My best friend Kami once told me that love doesn't hurt. I'm not saying that I'm in love with Ben, but nothing has hurt. He hasn't hurt my feelings a single time or said anything that I need to be worried about. He's willing to love me and wants me to love him.

And you know what? He totally deserves it.

Most perfect date ever!!!!!1!!

Remember how I said that I probably wasn't going to go to Chicago? Well, it happened! Jonathan, Carrie and I hopped on the South Shore and merrily rode it to Randolph. We met up with my sweet Hannahbird and her boyfriend Nathan, just before they caught the next train back to SB, at Corner Bakery (sidenote: They have the BEST vegetarian panini that I've ever had) where we waited for another friend to join. I wish I could put into words how wonderful it was to just laugh and have everyone together, but I think you just had to be there. Anyway, after HB and Nathan left, the rest of the group went to H&M to get our fashion on. The group then parted ways, me heading to meet my dear friend Ben and they heading to Wicker Park.

Let me just say that Ben is great. No, not great, more like...amazingfantasticcutesexywonderful. Our date started at Intelligensia where we geeked out over coffee and photography. We then headed to Millenium Park and found a really cute, but barren, garden and I proceeded to prove to him that I am indeed a complete dork. This did not thwart him, however, because for some reason, he thought it was cute. We (and by that I mean that I) got hungry and we headed to the Thai restaurant across the street. While leaving the restaurant and heading back to the park, it started raining. One of my biggest dreams ever was to be kissed in the rain, and do you know what happened? That's right: He kissed me in the rain in downtown Chicago. It was perfect and beautiful and glorious. All great things must come to an end, and I had to leave him behind at the train station shortly afterward, but for real, it was the best date I've ever been on. Here's a photo:

We're cute.

 

 

 

 

 So yeah. Be jealous. ;D

Mmm...chai.

I'm at work drinking an iced soy green tea chai. Yeah, that's right, I'm absurdly pretentious. :) But really, it's so freaking good. SO GOOD.

Jonathan is home until Tuesday! Oh what joy fills my heart! One thing (among the many) that college doesn't prepare you for is how to deal with life after your friends get great jobs and move away from you. While you, selfishly, want them to stay, you also want them to go out and follow their dreams. Ughhhh.

Anyway, there are rumors that we'll be going to Chicago on Sunday (which is exciting) and meeting up with another friend from college, Xack. I have not seen this man in almost a year and it's killing me. If I do end up going to Chicago, it'll be solely to see him. It's not that I wouldn't want to spend the day with some of my favorite people, but my apartment needs cleaned in an almost desperate way and I want to open the windows and let the sunshine in while we still have it. Conundrum.

Now I'm just rambling. Goodnightttt.

Vegetarianism and music.

Nathan just texted me, begging that we become vegetarian because he was somewhere and they had those huge lobster tanks that scare the shit out of people (if they don't scare you, they should). So, kids, it looks like I'll be doing it for real this time, well, at least until I get rid of the eight Swai fillets and the cans of tuna I just bought. This is going to be rough because I really, really enjoy meat, but at this point, it's not worth buying it or even eating it. It's time to get healthy. Recipes, anyone?

I've been really bad at the whole being healthy thing. I bought an awesome pair of running shoes last week, but haven't actually used them to run. At first I told myself that I need to break them in first, but now that I have broken them in, I have come to the conclusion that I'm just scared to start running. It's such a stupid fear, but I've been fat my whole life and I've never had any good memories associated with running. I just need to get over it, lace these babies up, and stop being such a pussy.

And music. I don't know why I ever stop listening to him, but Ryan Adams has been my life this week. I don't know what it is that captivates me, but something about him has dug it's claws in my brain and washes endorphins over my entire body. His latest album, III/IV, is so reminiscent of his early work that it sends me back to high school, only I can relate finally relate to and understand the lyrics. He's just perfect. Here's some of his music:

The second one is my favorite RA song, and maybe my favorite song ever.

It's been a while. To say that I've been busy is something of an understatement, but I'm back. :) Things have been crazy since I've been back from Russia. My mother and grandfather have both been in the hospital with potentially serious health issues, but luckily, they're back on track. I've also had to fit school and work back into my life, which is always sort of bittersweet. Remember when I posted some of my goals for the year? Well, I'm going to start making good on some of them. Thanks to a beautifully surprising tax return, I'm able to pay off some of my debt that's been looming over my head. I've also been trying to get serious about my health, something that most of you know isn't easy for anyone, especially me. Starting next Monday, I'm going to go to the gym and, hopefully, continue to go regularly.

Another thing that's been on my mind lately is poetry. I randomly started up a StumbleUpon account and it's inspired me to begin writing again. The last year has been easily the worst year of my life and I think that I need to tap into that and let poetry heal me. I know that sounds SO stupid, but writing down circumstances of a situation helps me become more objective, which helps start the healing process for me. Yesterday, I submitted 3 poems to my college's creative writing journal. While it's not exactly legitimate or even taken seriously, it's nice to know that some of my writing is being seen by someone. I need to actually publish something sometime. Anyone have any thoughts?

I'm Back!

Russia was...so many things: cold, healing, draining, invigorating, beautiful, majestic, tiring, and intense. People have asked what my favorite part was, but I really don't have an answer because it was overwhelming. Maybe I still have to process it. Here are some photos, though most of you can find them on my facebook.

I'm pretty sure that I'm gonna start learning Russian.

Boooooooooks!

I've yet to pack. Rachel is here (the coffee shop) right now and when we go to my house later, I'll do laundry and begin the dreaded packing process. The hardest part about packing is deciding which books to take. I feel like there should be a fair amount of Russian literature (maybe like 2 or 3 small-ish books) and maybe a couple of other random ones. I bought a book of short stories written by Chekhov for my birthday so I'll bring that. I might even get really inspired and decide to bring the Dickens book I've been putting off for forever. The only bad thing is that most of my books are still at my mom's house. Boo. Oh well. I'm excited to read again. It'll be nice.